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Susan & Joanne
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In 1968, at the age of seventeen, Susan surrendered her first-born daughter to adoption. Her birthmother experience has led Susan to become an active member in various birthmother support groups, while providing her the opportunity to assist several individuals in their reunions.
Born and raised in New Bedford, MA, Susan lived there until 1988 when she and her husband, Jay, moved their family of three girls, Jackie, Kristine and Beth to Acushnet, MA. More recently, in 2006, Susan and Jay became Snow Birds, wintering in Estero, FL.
"Retirement is fabulous!" says Susan. "And, as the days go by, being busy from morning 'til dusk, I often wonder how I ever had time to work and raise a family."
Her spirit and resilience has enabled Susan to triumph over life's disappointments. After the death of her sixteen-year-old daughter, Jacqueline, in 1990, she founded the Friends of Jackie Memorial Fund which has raised and distributed over $90,000.00.
She is an inspirational speaker, having lectured at Stonehill College, Salve Regina University, American Business Women's Association, "Strengthening Your Spirit" Reiki Retreat, and the Rotary Club, to mention a few.
Susan's extraordinary life experiences offer an important message to all, proving...
"You can do anything in life you set your mind to, provided it is powered by your heart."
Adopted in October 1968, when she was just three weeks old, Joanne was named after her adoptive parents, Joe and Ann Medeiros. She grew up in Fall River, MA with three younger brothers, Jay, Don and Rick, who were each a surprise to Joe and Ann since the doctors had informed them of their inability to conceive, hence Joanne's adoption. She attended Fall River public schools and graduated from BMC Durfee High School in 1986, anxious to start college in the fall at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. She later graduated from Umass with a bachelors degree in 1991. Joanne was involved with the marching band and color guard in both high school and college and was an active member of Kappa Kappa Gamma, a national woman's fraternity at Umass...little did she know that two of her three sisters, Kris and Jackie, shared the same interests in color guard and the marching band.
After graduating from college, Joanne spent several years living and working as a recruiter for Kelly Services in Macon, Georgia then in Boston, MA. After having returned to the Boston Area, she soon began her current career as an executive assistant and event planner for Hewlett Packard in 1996. Her job with Hewlett Packard relocated her and her husband Scott, also a Hewlett Packard employee, to Atlanta, GA in 2004. Today, both Joanne and Scott are able to work from their home offices, allowing them to return to New England, settling in Sandwich, MA on Cape Cod with their dog, Riley
Joanne and I wrote this book because we felt it was time for a
get-down-on-your-knees-and-be-thankful-story, to celebrate
our lives and that all too seldom second chance we are
rarely offered in life. |
As each day of my reunion brought new and exciting discoveries about the little girl I had always loved, but never knew, I feared I would lose track of all that I was learning. Initially, I tried to keep a journal of all my thoughts and encounters with Joanne, but had difficulty finding the time or even the desire to write, missing days at a time, and then attempting to catch up all in one sitting. It was just too much. My search efforts had left me drained. Maybe, it was all too reminiscent of the daily journal I kept during the months before and after Jackie's death. But, talking with Joanne via email was fun and I had saved all of our correspondence. Between Joanne's emails and those from my birth mother groups, there was enough material to fill a dozen folders.
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| Susan, Kristine, Joanne & Beth Aruba family vacation |
Joanne and I had often joked about writing our story and it was my husband, Jay, who laughingly suggested we do so. Saying he wanted us to write a best seller so he could retire and live on the beach! Well, Joanne and I wanted to live at the beach, too, so we began writing a little each day. My first drafts were terrible. My second drafts were, at times, even worse. Joanne's writing clearly put mine to shame. Still, I persisted. I was hooked, and not about to quit just because my writing talents were limited.
It was then I came to recognize my inability to properly express the various feelings I had experienced throughout my life and that surprised me, because I always have something to say. But these events in my life were extraordinary and the emotions they generated were powerful, leaving me to examine what I thought were capable writing abilities.
Having attended Catholic schools for the majority of my education, with a curriculum that dictated strict writing disciplines, I consistently scored high in all aspects of writing and grammar. However, sophomore English at New Bedford High proved pointless, for it was the same course I had just studied as a freshman at Bishop Stang. I recall feeling quite clever passing in book reports from the previous year and enjoying the ease in which they produced high grades. Then, during the last half of my junior year, I was much too preoccupied with my pregnancy and the ordeal that lay ahead, to be concerned with such things as writing and grammar. Upon returning from St. Mary's Home for Unwed Mothers, I quickly discovered I had lost any enthusiasm I may have had for school, dating, or life, for that matter. Never mind the finer points of writing. As a result, it was a daily struggle to accurately put my thoughts to paper. Without the help of my good friend and patient teacher, Rachel Jupin, I would still be laboring over my initial draft. And she thought raising her six kids was a tough job. It was nothing compared to teaching me how to punctuate!
As the months progressed, Joanne was barely writing, saying she didn't have the time. So, as my pages grew, hers lagged behind. Finally, she confessed, "Susan, I can't do this, it feels like homework and I just don't have time for homework." At first, I felt selfishly disappointed, I had so wanted to hear her side of our story. But then I realized she might not be ready to share her feelings, and told her so. She made no comment and, with all things considered, that was okay. I simply incorporated her already written pages in with mine. However, in the last months of editing, she realized I had been right. She hadn't been ready to share, or to even admit to herself many of the feelings she had been experiencing. But now she was ready and wanted to add her thoughts, as well as writing an Afterword I will forever treasure.
1) How have you survived losing two children?
When The Same Smile was first published, I was repeatedly asked this question and, honestly, I didn't know. I just knew that, somehow, I had. But, as time passed while writing the book, it became so obvious - so clear to me. It was the powerful, loving connection I share with my daughters that enabled me to stay strong, endure, and survive. Once I had that figured out, I gained a much better understanding of myself. For thirty years I continually strived to be a good mother. You see, giving your baby away destroys your self-worth. However, I am pleased to say I no longer crave to be the "mother of all mothers." I now happily realize that in the eyes of my daughters, I am!
I've often wondered why I was never before able to see that in myself and, when I find myself forgetting that, all I need to do is remember Jackie's unwavering faith in me; think about Kristine's and Bethany's repeated offerings of unconditional love and support to me; then, pinch myself at Joanne's ready acceptance of me, and it is oh, so evident.
I wrote the following description of our book because I feel it says it all about a mother and child connection...
"The Same Smile is the true story of a mother and daughter who, despite life's circumstances, connected during pregnancy and bonded at birth, creating a love so immense it survived a thirty-year separation to allow them the very special privilege of being together, once again."
2) What was the hardest thing about writing this book?
Reliving the painful events in order to write about them. So many were only vague, buried memories and I had to dig deep into my heart and soul to retrieve them.
3) The best thing?
The healing that took place as a result of all that digging and remembering. Even more than that, it was the relief of finally setting those memories free. It was like opening the window of my broken soul to let in some welcomed fresh air.
4) What did I learn?
To be kinder to myself about what I did in the unforgiving 60's, as a terrified, unwed, teenage mother, who had no voice. I did what was expected of me during that time, and the times clearly dictated adoption.
Writing also provided me with a surprise, a bonus, of sorts. I've come to realize that the determination and passion which fueled my search, were, in effect, the very same characteristics that got me through my unwed pregnancy, my ill-fated first marriage, Jackie's illness and death, as well as empowering me to write this book. I never dreamed I would ever be a writer and, with a little bit of luck, I may even write again. |
